Every parent has a responsibility to love and nurture their child, train them on how to control and set standards for themselves and to teach them how to live. In order to accomplish these objectives, parents need to be good disciplinarians.
There are several ways to still discipline in a child, one is by intimidation; use of force, fear, and punishment while the other one is by being natural and humanistic and treating the child with respect.
Disciplining by intimidation implies that the disciplinarian is superior and should overpower the child. The child then goes into a defense mode leading to anger, resentment, fear, and aggression. This triggers the defense mode in the disciplinarian leading to a vicious cycle of hurtful words and aggression.
As a parent, your goal should be to address the indiscipline without threatening, instilling fear, humiliating and disrespecting the child. Here are some tips to inspire you to stay calm and collected when disciplining your kids:
Identify your anger:
Anger can be triggered by many things for example when a child responds rudely. The good news is that you can control yourself from exploding if you notice the early signs of anger which include: fast heart rate and breathing, sweating, tension, upset stomach including others. If you feel yourself getting angry of notice these signs you should take the necessary steps before your anger gets out of control.
It is possible but not easy to keep cool when your child is becoming hysterical. You should respond respectfully with the right and the right tone of voice. Try not to stoop down to their level by not losing your cool. Instead, you should maintain a clear, calm leveled voice while responding to them.
Here are a few steps that you can take to help you calm down:
- Taking a big breath
- Soothe yourself with some music
- Reading a book or a magazine
- Going for a run or walk.
- Taking a warm bath
- Go somewhere quiet or just stare outside the window
Examine Your Motives:
Before disciplining your child, it is vital for you as the parent to clearly know your motives.
The reasons for disciplining your child should be clear to you. You should also examine the extent to which your child’s bad behavior affected you or someone else. You need to ask yourself questions like: What is the gravity of the situation? Is the child remorseful about it? This will help you to make a clear judgment before taking any disciplinary action.
If the child shows no remorse for what he or she has done, explain to them correctly and make them understand why their behavior needs your action with disciplinary action. Give them a clear level of punishment. This will show them that your motives are pure and they will learn the value of discipline. It also helps to instill permanent moral values in your child
Choose the Right Words:
It is your responsibility as a parent to use right words to explain and to make your child understand the values of discipline in life. This is important to inculcate the right behaviors and morals in your child’s life. You should always keep your cool even when the child behaves irrationally and focus on rectifying them. Try to make meaningful interactions with them, like you would do with adults and listen to them as well. Also, remember that right words do not mean you sugar-coat things. Let them understand their undesirable actions and the consequences which resorted you to punish them.
You should be careful as a parent when disciplining your child because it can have can have future impacts on them. How you discipline your child can either injury or boost their esteem. This will affect how they interact with people in future.
. When your child is being irrational, the last thing on your mind is a hug. However, what our kids need is that close connection. As a parent, try to look past the mistakes and ignore all of the big overwhelming feelings, you will be able to see that your kid is hurting and needs support. Mostly children respond positively to touch so instead of yelling or abusing them snuggle it out!
Looking at things from your child’s perspective will help you understand their feelings. Relating to their experience will help make them understand their own feelings even though you don’t agree with them.
Choose the right time and place:
As a parent, you should be careful not to reprove your child in front of their peers. The worst thing you can do to your child is to humiliate them in front of their peers. Especially if your child is of school age, these children tend to be more conscious about their ‘status quo’ or how their peers see them. When you discipline your kid in front of their peers, you take his focus from bad behavior he’s done and to the embarrassment that you have unnecessarily caused him. You should aim at making feel remorse for his bad behavior and not to humiliate and embarrass him.
Choose the Right Tone of Voice:
Being a parent is not easy especially when disciplining your child. It is hard not to yell when you are feeling frustrated but try to calm down and choose the correct tone and voice. Try not to scold your child as it will not solve the problem. Deal with your child calmly and explain to them properly when they have misbehaved and the consequences of their actions. This way, you will set a good example for your kid by teaching them to keep cool and enabling them to grow into good human beings.
Sometimes you made find it hard to maintain your cool in the heat of the moment. You can regain focus by speaking your mantra for comfort until that difficult moment passes. You can phrases like “I’m the adult here” or “I can keep my cool”.
Slow It Down:
As a parent, you should avoid responding to every criticism, accusation or complaint your child throws at you. You can choose to walk away, find your own space away from the chaos to calm yourself down before you react.
Everyone feels angry sometimes and anger can be a good thing when it gives you the push to stand up for what you believe in. It can be negative if it happens a lot and gets out of control leading to conflict with others. As a parent, managing your anger in a healthy and positive way allows you to set a good example for your children.